Cowardly Commercials draft

What is the deal with commercials today? Has anyone else noticed? You know, the constant portrayal of men as wimpy, pudgy, soft, dorky, nerdy, less-than-womanly types? Every commercial I see for anything technology-related, even for a car, has some short blading nasally sounding soft-mid-sectioned wimpy guy being a dork. Think of he Taco Bell commercials where four dorks sit around, maybe even a dorky woman with them, who always ends up winning the non-argument, debating what single adjective describes their unhealthy fast food lunch. If I recall, they settled on "crun-chew-eesy." Or the one with three super skinny long haired college losers (on pot, most likely), discovering the meaning to the word "unhunger." You know, because they're all too stupid to remember to call it "full." And, of course, let us not forget the slew of commercials featuring the wimpy pathetic guys in an anonymous setting of tiny cubicles, mimicing NBC's "The Office" with every portrayal of today's American.

But that's just it. This is how we portray ourselves now. This is how advertisers appeal to their target demographic of white males, age 25 to 49, or something close to that. They relate to what they see as the typical American by portraying him as a wimpy little dork. A guy who couldn't stand up straight if he tried. A guy who couldn't do 10 pushups or even situps. A guy who is more interested in his i-phone than his disproportionately attractive wife. (You will find that in entertainment, with very few exceptions, the female's first requirement is still to be good looking.) Have you seen the commercial where the idiot middle aged guy sprays his hose into his car's windshield, in pure awe that it automatically wipes the water off. Woooow. His wife comes out and rolls her eyes at him. You will notice that in these commercials, the women are always the voice of reason and common sense, and the men are bumbling idiotic fools. This is how the media complex sees us. Best case scenerio, it's a younger, single white guy dressed like a preppy-hippie, with a mismatching pleather sportcoat, blue jeans, long girly hair and a fruity colored tie attached to his untucked ugly striped shirt.

I have news for you, this is far from the REAL American. You don't believe me? Go to a cage fight, somewhere, and just look at the audience. That's the American white male for you. The real one.

However, I have something more to rant about than the above misportrayal of the common Ameican, let alone the ideal image of one. My problem is the recent surge in house alarm commercials. If you watch TV at all, you have surely seen them. One shows a single woman- in a house for a family of about six or seven, figure that out- getting ready for a "first date." It is then that a man wearing a ski mask- who is ALWAYS white in these commercials, I think we all know why- breaks a glass door to get in. At this point the siren goes off, the criminal runs away, the phone rings and some plastic-smile wearing guy is on the line with ADT security. He's contacting police for her immediately. You know, just in case the criminal hadn't already ran, the police could get there just in time to find the woman raped and/or murdered. Average response time for the police is what now? Less time than it takes to run someone down in a bathrobe and slash her throat, I'm sure.

This is not that I'm saying not to get a home alarm system. But consider the other commercial, again with a wimpy looking man and a disproportionately attractive woman as his wife. They hear something sleeping at night, he stumbles out of bed, looks down the stairs only to see that same masked white male breaking into the house. Again the glass is broken, the criminal runs, and the shaken man shrieks "oh my god" and runs into the room. The phone rings... etc. Wow, impressive portrayal of manhood from the great minds in marketing, eh?

Let me tell you the commercial I'd like to see. It's the same setting: a house in suburbia with a not-so-pudgy looking guy and his wife sleeping. Maybe the kids are sleeping in the other room. Instead of hearing something thud, the husband and wife are awoken by their dog growling. He barks once or twice, and the man reaches for his 12 gauge pump action shotgun. Sure, he's scared, but he moves out of the room with it anyway. The masked man- who can still be white, fine- is outside the window. The criminal hears the shik-chk of the shotgun loading a round, and he takes off just in time to not be killed by the giant blast of buckshot flying past the spot in which he was just standing. The wife is calling the police already. The only words that need to be spoken by the narrator are "Mossberg: made in America... to protect America."

Or maybe, with the single woman, she hears something- better yet her dog alerts her again- and she reaches for her Beretta 9mm pistol and cocks one into the chamber. The same masked white guy is breaking the glass door, her dog barks like crazy, and she opens fire on the guy. Maybe she even hits him once in the shoulder and the guy runs off, holding his wound with his other hand. The police arrive on the scene soon enough, and say it's a good thing she shot the guy, because they found two blocks down the road trying to kill someone else with a knife. They think he's the serial rapist who has been on the loose lately. They could show a US soldier, a policeman, then her, all carrying their Beretta FS series pistols, and the slogan could be: "Beretta FS series- good enough for a soldier... a cop... and even a citizen."

Contrast that with three college wimps eating fast food making up words like "unhunger." Which country would you rather live in? I dream of a society that values strength and courage, and despises the utter waste of energy put into eating crappy fast food and making lame jokes that only could be funny when extremely high on pot. Which, come to think of it, probably caused the dorks to get Taco Bell to begin with. It's called the munchies. Anyway, I don't know, maybe it's a lost cause. Maybe Americans are, yet again, relying solely on someone else for their own personal security now. That's the communist thing to do, isn't it? Even if the police aren't always enough, the anti-gun commies can finally admit that now. But the solution isn't a dog and a gun, it's an alarm company? Come on! Again, I have no problem with house alarms, but get a gun, learn to use it, and get a dog too. Kill that intruder before the police have a chance to show up too late, will you? Maybe once people start doing that the criminals will be more afraid to break into your house.